Do you know how to say "No?"

We have to be able to set boundaries so we can feel good about ourselves and be completely happy with what we do.
-Orly Katz

You’ve gone on a trip with the scouts. All of your friends are jumping from a high rocky outcrop into a pool of freezing cold water a long way below. You’re scared and don’t want to jump. Do you jump?

A good friend wants to come to sleep over. You’re very tired and want to go to sleep early. What do you do? Do you say yes and tell your friend to come anyway?

A kid from your class asks to copy your homework every day. You’re fed up with sharing your hard work. What do you do? Do you let him/her carry on copying?

The popular kids have asked you to come with them to draw graffiti on the school walls. You don’t want to get into trouble and don’t want to go. What do you do? Do you go?

Your friends have decided to go to the movies, and have chosen a movie that you don’t want to see. What do you do? Do you go anyway?

Analysis of results:

You certainly stand up for yourself b-i-g time. You say what you think all the time, to everyone. That’s good, but you do need to be careful sometimes about over doing this and remembering to be tactful. You sometimes say what you think just because you want to. You need to be careful not to hurt another person’s feelings in situations where saying what you think may not be necessary to make a difference.

Analysis of results:

You sometimes stand up for yourself and sometimes don’t. On the one hand, you know how important it is to be able to stand up for yourself and to say “no” when you need to, and are happy about that. On the other hand, occasionally you are still worried about saying “no” and don’t always say what you really want to say. My advice: think about what helps you say “no” in some situations, about how you found the courage to stand up for yourself, and what helped you succeed then. You can “repeat” that courage and do the same thing again. There’s no reason for you not to succeed.

Analysis of results:

There’s no two ways about it… you say “yes” all of the time. Yes, even when deep down in your heart, what you really want to say is “no”. You’re scared of expressing your opinion if it’s different to that held by the majority. You prefer to let things go. The main thing is being on every one’s good side. You don’t want to upset or hurt anyone, you don’t want to be different and you don’t want to be seen as a trouble-maker. I say, go for it. Start small. If you don’t want to do something one weekend because you’re tired, try saying “Not today, I’m exhausted…” and you’ll see that nothing happens. Nobody is going to die because of it, and people will treat you with more respect.