How long will your relationship last?

Do you have a forever kind of love? Or will it be relatively short-lived? Find out now! (and find out how to get that forever love!)

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How do you feel in your relationship?
How would you describe your current relationship?
What do you feel your relationship lacks?
Which fictional couple do you think you and your partner are most like?
Infatuated Love

Passion alone. 

What is infatuated love?

Infatuated love is also known as 'lust'. It is essentially a physical or sexual attraction. It means that you love someone's appearance or attitude, and you want to get physical.

What does passion feel like?

Passion feels like physical attraction, fuzzy feelings, and excitement. However, these feelings are usually fickle and don't last a long time.

Example: Ben and Anna in He's Just Not That Into You, or Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades of Grey

How long does passion last?

Passion on its own has a relatively short shelf life. It is usually very prominent when you first meet someone attractive, but it dies down over time. It could last a few minutes or a few years, but it eventually fizzles out if it is not paired with intimacy or commitment. Often people find themselves 'blinded' with passion - as in, they are so physically attracted to someone that their primal instincts take over and they are unable to think clearly, see the person for who they really are, and often make decisions against their better judgment. 

What you can do if you're in a relationship that only has passion: 

Recognize it for what it is - it's lust, not love. You're infatuated with someone, but it won't last unless you learn how to create intimacy and pursue a committed relationship with them. 

Find out how to turn this relationship into a forever love. 

Friendship Love

Intimacy alone. 

What is friendship love?

 It is the kind love relationship where you share intimate details of your life with another person, you care deeply about them, trust them and enjoy their company.

What does intimacy feel like?

Intimacy feels like a deep emotional connection with someone. It feels comfortable - like you can truly be yourself around that person, and you really care about them.

Example: Joey and Phoebe in Friends 

How long does intimacy last?

Intimacy becomes more prominent over time. Intimacy can last a lifetime, but if it's not paired with passion or commitment, it will only be considered 'friendship' and nothing more. This is the zone where many people get stuck in called 'the friend-zone'.

What you can do if you're in a relationship that only has intimacy:

If this is you, you're probably in the friendzone. Read From Friend-zone to Date-zone in 3 Simple Steps 

Find out how to turn this relationship into a forever love. 

Empty Love

Commitment alone. 

What is empty love?

Commitment is when you decide to devote yourself to one person and stay by their side through thick and thin. If commitment is not paired with passion or intimacy, it remains commitment for the sake of commitment, and no real value is found in the relationship. We often see this kind of relationship in arranged marriages, when couples 'stay together for the kids', or when people marry for convenience. Many couples find themselves experiencing 'empty love' when they focus entirely on kids or other factors such as work instead of making their marriage a priority - thus losing all passion and friendship.

What does commitment feel like?

Commitment is a decision that you make. For some people commitment can feel scary, but for others it feels like security. Both of these feelings are normal, and you should not be freaked out by either of them. When commitment is paired with intimacy or passion it can be very rewarding. However, commitment without intimacy or passion can feel very lonely and 'empty'.

Example: Charlotte and Mr. Collins from Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice

How long does commitment last?

Commitment, like intimacy, can last a lifetime. However, if it is not paired with intimacy or passion, then there is no real 'relationship' in the relationship - thus the name 'empty love'.

What you can do if you're in a relationship that only hascommitment: 

If you find yourself in a dating relationship purely for the sake of being in a relationship and you don't actually care about the person you're with, then you probably shouldn't be in that relationship. Be brave enough to recognize that your relationship is not going anywhere and be bold enough to leave.
If you're in a married relationship and you're balancing on the sole pillar of commitment, then it's time to work on building intimacy by pursuing emotional connection with your partner, and creating passion by bringing romance into the relationship. 

Find out how to turn this relationship into a fulfilling forever love. 

Romantic Love

Romantic love is a combination of passion and intimacy.

What is romantic love?

Romantic love is what most couples find themselves in in 2018. It is essentially:

  • New relationships
  • A dating relationship that never becomes serious
  • 'friends with benefits'
  • Most teenage relationships
What does romantic love feel like?

Romantic love is exciting and usually full of fun in the beginning. However, many people (usually the woman in the relationship) start to feel frustrated about being in this place after a few months because there is no real commitment or talk about the future. Because of this, the relationship remains immature and can be confusing and turbulent.

Example: Jess and Nick in New Girl

How long does romantic love last?

Romantic love can last for a few years, but it's usually very immature and often ends in a devastating and heartbreaking break-up, leaving both parties feeling confused and deeply hurt.

What you can do if you're in a romantic relationship and you want commitment:

If you are in a romantic relationship and you want your partner to commit to you, then you need to make your desire for commitment clear. However, clearly stating that you want 'commitment' does not usually go down very well. Instead, you need to set up clear boundaries in your relationship and not invest too much emotionally or physically until your partner decides to commit to you. If you are unsure how to do that in a graceful and effective way, click here for step by step instructions to get the relationship and commitment you want.

Find out how to turn this relationship into a forever love. 

Fatuous Love

Fatuous love is a combination of passion and commitment.

What is fatuous love?

Fatuous love is what most relationship coaches help couples achieve in 2018. The idea is 'do this and say that, and then he will put a ring on your finger'. The relationship is usually very hot and heavy, and commitment is quick. The commitment side of the relationship is often achieved through sexual manipulation or lust.

What does fatuous love feel like?

Fatuous love can feel very exciting, hot and 'crazy'... as in 'it's so crazy that we got engaged/ married so quickly'. It usually starts with two people who can't get enough of each other physically in the beginning, and then make a commitment very early on in the relationship. It's often difficult to think logically and you find yourself making impulsive decisions like 'let's move in together' or 'let's get married' after a short period of time.

Example: Lydia and Mr Wickham in Pride and Prejudice, or Barney and Quinn in How I Met Your Mother 

How long does fatuous love last?

It can last a fair amount of time... usually a few months to a few years. However, when the passion dies (which, it will) things usually become ugly very quickly. Couples may find that they have 'nothing in common anymore' or find themselves in an ugly divorce where one party takes everything, leaving the other with very little.

What you can do if you are in a 'fatuous love' relationship:

To move out of the dangerous 'fatuous love' zone, you need to work on building intimacy (emotional connection) with your partner. You can start by focusing on common interests, and doing things together other than sex.  The focus of your relationship needs to be to create and maintain an emotional connection. Not sure how to do this? Click here for everything you need to know about how to create a lasting connection with your partner.

Find out how to turn this relationship into a forever love. 

Companionate Love

This is a combination of commitment and intimacy.

What is companionate love?

This is the kind of love many older couples find themselves in. This is when the relationship has a good foundation of friendship and commitment, but it's lacking that passion. This can happen when:

  • individuals in the relationship stop pursuing or romancing each other
  • a couple ' lets the sex go out of the marriage'
  • when a couple focuses entirely on their kids, and forgets to make their relationship a priority
  • one or both partners stop caring about their appearance or emotional state
  • one or both partners stop pursuing their passions and dreams outside the marriage
  • a couple got married for convenience reasons (like an arranged marriage or for money) but then a friendship grew
  • two friends were convinced by others (like a religious or friendship group) that they should be together, and so they got married on the basis of friendship without ever experiencing passion or physical attraction for each other
What does companionate love feel like?

It feels like being married to your best friend, but you don't want to sleep with them.

Example: Sheldon Cooper and Amy in The Big Bang Theory

How long does companionate love last?

Companionate love can last a lifetime, especially for those couples who remain faithful to one another. However, many individuals who are in sexless relationships will seek that passion elsewhere - often resulting in infidelity.

What you can do if you are in a companionate relationship:

As a couple, you need to discover or rediscover your passion for each other. You need to turn up the romance and spice things up a little. If you have no idea how to do that, or if you desperately want you partner to be more romantic towards you, you can learn how to do that here. Otherwise, if romance is something you've got down but you're still lacking sexual connection, consider going to see a marriage counselor or a sex therapist together.

Consummate Love

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE TRUE LOVE!

Consummate love is a combination of passion, intimacy, and commitment.

What is consummate love?

Relationship experts from around the world have agreed that consummate love is the ideal kind of love for a romantic relationship. This is what TRUE LOVE really is. It's the perfect combination and balance of physical attraction, companionship, and commitment.

Example: Think Jim Halpert and Pam Beesley from the American version of The Office

What does consummate love feel like?

This is the kind of love that feels very natural, well-rounded and fulfilling. Couples who experience consummate love are generally happy and content with their relationships and are able to resolve issues in a way that enhances the relationship instead of destroying it. Individuals in this kind of relationship feel respected, loved, satisfied and secure. If you have this kind of relationship, you have a strong emotional connection, physical connection, and a sense of security with your partner.

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