What are YOUR sand politics?
In times as tense as these, it's important that we all know where we stand on the truly important issues. It can be difficult to do research when the mainstream media is trying to persuade the masses away from the things that really matter. Fret not, because this quiz will tell you all about where you stand on the most pressing issue of our lifetime.
How do you feel about sandcastles?
Unjust enslavement of a voter demographic
They're a fun beach activity
They look pretty tasty
They're a fundamental part of my culture
What did you have for dinner last night?
Lots of sand
I had a steak, with some sauteed sand on the side
As is tradition, I had a small cup of red sand before my standard dinner of Svedka and Advil
Non-sand items
What do you think of this election happening without the input of any sand?
It's unjust, and a focus of the next four years should be sand enfranchisement
The election also didn't feature any dogs voting, and we aren't hearing about that
I don't vote and neither should sand
Who cares?
We need more evidence before we can determine whether sand should vote
How do you feel about the low coverage of sand in the media?
The sand debate doesn't need any media coverage, it's asinine
It's a product of sand disenfranchisement and must be fought against
It's a niche issue, it's understandable
It's blatant censorship of Sand Concerned Individuals
How important to you is the fate of sand in the coming decade?
Can we stop talking about sand?
Incredibly important
As long as it's still here, I'm happy
I'm largely indifferent
Sand is made out of rocks, and this is extremely relevant to the sand debate as it means that sand necessarily has the same rights as rocks
Agree
Disagree
The "Sand Debate"?!
Despite how little we've heard about sand this election, which candidate do you believe would have views that align with your own on the current sand issues?
Joe Biden
Donald Trump
Max Linn
I don't have any views on "current sand issues"
Would you say that you like the taste of sand?
I like it
I hate it
I haven't tried it
It's divine, but I know that I can't enjoy it too often
What do you think is the biggest obstacle in the way of the current sand issues today?
Blatant gerrysandering, so the government can control the outcome of our vote
Far left sand suffragists, who refuse to have an honest debate about sand biology
The far right, having no empathy for the sand that is suffering in our country right now
A lack of coverage in the media, leaving many in the dark about the important matters
Respectist
You've been raised with sand as a ritual substance to be respected. You don't eat just any sand, but it is a part of your culture to consume entities (that you believe have enough consciousness to vote) for the purposes of religious observation. Hopefully you think vodka and ibuprofen can vote, too, so we won't have to deal with you too much longer.
Neoconsumptionist
Eat sand. All you want to do is eat sand. You haven't thought about the sand you're eating further than the fact that it's entering (and exiting) your body. Should sand vote? You don't know, and you don't care, or that's what you tell yourself, at least.
Progessivist Riddian
You think that the most important thing is eradicating the sand. The most progressive way to do so is to eat it, but you don't really care how it goes. It's for the good of the people to get rid of it, and you shouldn't worry about what you might be doing to all that innocent sand, right?
Bio-Conscientist
"Guys, I don't care if you eat it but we REALLY need to think about whether or not sand is sentient enough to vote. C'mon guys, it's important. It's for the good of our democracy. Guuuuuuuys."
Gustatist
Nobody has any idea what your title means or what you stand for. Maybe you should put a little more work into your political party, mate.
Anarchist
Sand? Who gives a shit about sand? Nobody should be able to vote, and the government damn well not be telling you what you can or can't eat.
Inanimatist
"What the hell do they mean, "sand should be able to vote?" I don't care what you do in your spare time, but we're not spending government money to try to get some fuckin' rocks to the polls."
Idiot
Idiot
Agreeablist
Way to not have an opinion on important issues. What the hell are you taking this test for if you're not going to bother to have an impact on the things shaping our modern political system?
Geologist
You've studied this. You shouldn't eat sand, it's harmful to your digestive system. It probably shouldn't vote, but you're a little more open to interpretation on that one.
Inediblist
You're in the same camp as the inanimatists. Sand shouldn't vote, it's a fuckin' rock. But you probably shouldn't eat it either, it's a fuckin' rock.
Justicist
Talk about high and mighty. Sand should vote and we shouldn't eat it, look at how noble you are. But it's 2020, not everyone can live in your little utopia where everyone can vote AND not get eaten. Get your head out of your ass, and start making some fucking compromises.
Doctor
"What the fuck do you mean," should you eat sand?" No, of course you shouldn't eat sand! ...Vote? Don't waste my fucking time."
Comprehensive Eradicatian
All of it, gone. No sand near any humans. Don't eat it, don't let it vote, just get it out of this country. Sand is disgusting and possibly dangerous, and you want to get it as far away as possible as quickly as possible.