Do you behave better than an NRL player?
Let’s face it: we love our footy, but some of our heroes aren't exactly candidates for Mensa. We watch for the magic on the field, but we stay for the circus off it. From tech mishaps to epic fails on live TV, the NRL off-season is a content factory that never sleeps.
But are we really any better? If you had the fame and a constant camera pointing at you, would you survive the scrutiny? Let’s find out. Here is a very scientific personality test based on the "Greatest Hits" of NRL stupidity. Grab a pen and be honest.
Have you ever sent confidential information to a mistyped email?
We’ve all fat-fingered a text and fired it off to the wrong person. Maybe you’ve even called your boss ‘babe.’ It happens. But for NRL teams, a typo is a catastrophe.
The Wests Tigers’ Elite Admin famously sent sensitive emails containing club secrets intended for their coach, Nathan Brown, to a random Reddit user in Canada...also named Nathan Brown.
The Sea Eagles went one better. When sending Marty Taupau’s massive contract offer to their CEO, they accidentally emailed the entire document to a theatre critic in Canada. Imagine rolling out of bed in Toronto, expecting to read Hamlet, and finding the salary cap breakdown of a Manly prop.
If you’ve ever hit "Reply All" and regretted it, take a point.
Have you ever made an ANZAC jersey featuring Americans?
You had one job: pay respect to Australian history. The Wests Tigers (yep, again. Even for an NRL team, that’s hard to beat) released a commemorative ANZAC jersey, but the designer clearly clocked off early. Instead of featuring Diggers, the jersey proudly displayed a stock photo of American troops.
PSA, people: a quick Google search is not a substitute for research, unless you forgot the lyrics to “Khe Sanh.”
If you’ve ever used a stock photo with the watermark still on it, give yourself a point.
Have you blown up a microwave trying to charge your phone?
Fa'amanu Brown reportedly read online that you could charge your phone by microwaving it. Most of us figured out in Year 3 that metal plus microwave equals fireworks. But Fa'amanu, perhaps after watching Looney-Tunes, gave it a red-hot go anyway, blowing the appliance to bits.
If you’ve ever put foil in the microwave or tried to dry your socks in the oven, you’re in this club. One point to you.
Have you had a political career that lasted 20 seconds?
Big Mal Meninga, the 13th Immortal, holds the world record for the most…efficient political career. In 2001, Mal announced he was running for the ACT Legislative Assembly. He held a press conference, with a mic, a serious face, the works. Literally 20 seconds in and mid-sentence, he proclaimed "I’m buggered," and walked off. Basically, how I feel whenever I promise to drive a friend to Sydney Airport.
If you’ve ever walked into a room, forgotten why, and immediately turned around, you’re basically Mal. Have a point.
Have you ever said your boss was a good boss, but not the best boss?
Selwyn Cobbo decided to be a little too honest on a podcast regarding his coach, Kevin Walters. He described Kevvie as a "good coach," which sounds fine until he added: "he's not the best coach, but he's alright." Reminds me of when my mum says, “It’s not the career I would’ve picked, but if you’re happy…” It bruises like an Aussie compliment.
If you’ve ever accidentally insulted someone while trying to be helpful or nice, mark this one down.
Have you ever thought the question “Is the Earth flat or round?” was a tough one?
Matt Burton can launch a football into the stratosphere. You’d think, seeing the ball go that high, he’d notice the curvature of the Earth. But when asked on a podcast, the Bulldogs star admitted he wasn't certain if the Earth was round or flat.
He claimed to be "on the fence" and thought the conspiracy theories "made some good points." It’s a solid reminder that you don’t need a science degree to play First Grade. Matty, buddy. Not a good look.
If you’ve ever watched a 3 a.m. YouTube conspiracy and thought, "Hang on, he’s got a point," take a point.
Have you ever had your inflatable baseball bat confiscated in Las Vegas?
The Raiders NRL team went to Vegas to promote the game, and stars Hudson Young and Morgan Smithies thought it would be fun to determine who got the better hotel bed by having a wrestling match in the lobby. Like a parent taking a pool floaty from a toddler, security had to confiscate Smithies' inflatable baseball bat.
If you’ve ever been told to "settle down" by security while holding something ridiculous, this is your moment. 1 point.
Have you ever been described as the “drunkest human being ever”?
NRL fans can’t say “drunkest human ever” without mentioning Brad Fittler.
Long before he was a commentator, he was a young bloke enjoying life. He enjoyed it so much, in fact, he was once found unconscious outside Glebe police station in a state that a police source described to the media as "the drunkest human being ever." And here I was, thinking my mates Joel Bergs and Jackson O’Doherty had already stolen the title.
If you’ve ever woken up and had to ask your mates for a full recap of the night, you’re in Freddie’s league.
Have you ever vaped in the toilet?
Kevin Proctor, the Titans captain, was sitting out a game while his team was losing. He decided the best use of his time was to go to the stadium toilets, rip a vape, and post it to his own Instagram story. He was sacked almost before the vapour cleared. That could’ve been the end of it, but it’s a lucky break in his footy career that he got a second chance, just not with the NRL.
If you’ve ever posted something and immediately thought, "I shouldn't have done that," take a point.
Have you ever pulled a sickie but then posted incriminating evidence?
Josh Dugan and Blake Ferguson famously skipped a recovery session with the excuse of being "unwell." Instead of resting, they headed to a rooftop bar to smash Vodka Cruisers.
Because if it’s not on the Gram, it didn’t happen, they posted photos of the session for all to see. The lack of operational security is baffling.
If you’ve ever called in sick and then bumped into your boss at the beach, you know this pain. You'd better take that point.
{number correct}/{number of questions} Points: You Should Live a Little, Mate
Struth, you’re well-behaved. Have you ever even jaywalked? You are the Alex Glenn of behaving yourself. While your record is clean, you might be missing out on some great stories. Go on, live on the edge a little.
{number correct}/{number of questions} Points: The Right Mix of Responsible and Adventurous
The sweet spot. You’re fun enough for Mad Monday but smart enough not to get arrested or blow up the microwave. You know the Earth is round, and you check your email addresses. You’re the designated driver of life.
{number correct}/{number of questions} Points: A Cheeky Bit of Hooliganism
You’re not fully off the rails, but you’re dangling a leg out the window. You enjoy a bit of mischief and have definitely had some "what was I thinking" moments. Pro tip from Joe: Keep the social media usage to a minimum after midnight.
{number correct}/{number of questions} Points: You’re an Incorrigible NRL Player
Someone, take your phone away. You’re a walking headline with zero impulse control. You’re the life of the party, but a PR manager's nightmare. I’d offer you a contract, but you’d probably email it to a stranger in Canada.