What's Your Intimacy Style? (A Relationship Personality Quiz)

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What's Your Intimacy Style? (A Relationship Personality Quiz)

Pick a weekend activity:

Going to a place where all you can hear is the sounds of nature

Going to a museum with your partner

Going to Brunch at a place where you can talk

Going nowhere and cuddling on the couch

When do you feel closest to your partner?

When we're having a fascinating conversation that lasts for hours.

When we're in the same room, each doing our own thing, but knowing the other is right there.

When we're making love

When my partner trusts me and opens up about something real and vulnerable.

Rate this statement: When a relationship starts to get close, I usually want a little distance or space.

True

False

A vacation should be...

Romantic

Spent alone

Learning new things together

Spent indoors

I feel most honored when my partner ...

Ginny via flickr

Tells me something they are ashamed of and, let's me comfort them.

Shows me they have a lot to learn from me by asking my opinion and listening closely to my ideas.

Asks me what I like in bed and gives it to me .

All of the above.

None of the above

Which statement best describes you?

It's hard for me to be physically vulnerable before I feel emotionally close.

It's hard for me to be emotionally vulnerable when I"ve been feeling rejected

I feel most comforted by ...

my partner's physical touch.

my parter sharing their feelings with me.

my partner giving me time and space to myself.

my partner asking for my input with a project.

When I'm really upset, what I need most is ...

to be hugged.

to vent my feelings.

to figure out what to do next.

to find a place to cry alone.

What would you like to hear from your partner more often?

"I don't know. Do you?"

"I love you."

"Let's go upstairs."

Silence

It's hardest for me to

Admit what I don't know.

Trust someone enough to let them touch me intimately.

Trust someone enough to share my deepest thoughts and feelings.

None of these things are hard for me.

Most of these things are hard for me.

You have an Emotional Intimacy Connection Style

The mind-body-heart connection is real. Three types of intimacy correlate with the different parts of ourselves.

Mind: Intellectual Intimacy (Results from intellectual vulnerability)
Body: Physical Intimacy (Results from physical vulnerability)
Heart: Emotional Intimacy (Results from emotional vulnerability)

Your favorite way to connect is through the heart. This doesn't mean you don't enjoy touch or intellectual stimulation; it simply means you lead with your heart, and closeness follows.

People who value emotional intimacy understand the importance of emotional vulnerability. Sharing our emotions back and forth with the person we love provides a feeling of safety. It is an honor when someone trusts us with the depth of their true feelings. This leads to deep trust when both partners' feelings are respected and honored.

Benefits and Challenges of Your Emotional Intimacy Connection Style

Based on your quiz results, specific strengths and challenges should be considered.

BENEFITS

Because your most frequently preferred intimacy style is Emotional Intimacy, you are probably quite good at empathy. This is good news because empathy is the most important communication skill leading to happiness in relationships. Since you are in touch with your feelings, you can enjoy a deep closeness resulting from this vulnerability.

CHALLENGES

Perhaps you get frustrated with those for whom emotional vulnerability doesn't come naturally. You might wish your partner spoke up about their feelings more and asked more about yours. It may or may not be difficult for you to share physical intimacy when you don't feel emotionally close.

RECOMMENDATIONS

(These are general suggestions but do not replace assessment and treatment recommendations from a licensed professional who has met you.)

1. Read, What to Do While You're Waiting for Your Partner to Change.

Section 1 of Love is an Action Verb by Laura Silverstein (the creator of this quiz). This book is ideal for someone who is committed to looking at their contribution to relationship wellness. You can learn more about this book from the "look inside" feature on Amazon HERE.

2. Enroll in the Empathy Made Easy Mini Course for Couples.

Our most important communication skills stay sharp through repetition and practice. This course walks you through, step-by-step, how to respond to your partner when they are upset or stressed. (Includes your printable copy of The Ultimate Empathy Flowchart).

3. Take this Conflict Style Assessment Quiz. There are three functional ways to manage conflict and two that lead to relationship unhappiness. Learn about your preferred conflict management style with a buzz-feed style personality quiz.

You have a Physical Intimacy Connection Style

The mind-body-heart connection is real. Three types of intimacy correlate with the different parts of ourselves.

Mind: Intellectual Intimacy (Results from intellectual vulnerability)
Body: Physical Intimacy (Results from physical vulnerability)
Heart: Emotional Intimacy (Results from emotional vulnerability)

Your favorite way to connect is through the body. This doesn't mean that you don't enjoy emotional connection or intellectual stimulation; it simply means that physical touch is usually your favorite way to feel close.

People who value physical intimacy understand the importance of vulnerability. Though there is sometimes a risk of rejection, sharing our bodies with the person we love provides a feeling of safety, comfort, and pleasure. Trust is built by mutual desire and learning what feels good to both partners.

Oftentimes, people whose preferred intimacy style is physical feel more comfortable sharing their insecurities and emotions in combination with a close physical connection.

Benefits and Challenges of Your Physical Intimacy Connection Style

Based on your quiz results, specific strengths and challenges should be kept in mind.

BENEFITS

Because your most frequently preferred connection style is physical intimacy, you probably have a high level of body awareness. This allows you to enjoy closeness through physical touch. Physical Intimacy includes cuddling, affection, massage, and making love. Deep closeness results from being vulnerable with each other and verbally and non-verbally communicating what feels pleasant.

CHALLENGES

Perhaps you get frustrated when you feel like your partner doesn't understand just how important this is to you. Some find it difficult to explain that their Physical Intimacy Connection Style is not just about sex; it is about deep trust, comfort, and feeling loved. You might wish that your partner initiated physical affection more frequently. It may or may not be difficult for you to share emotional intimacy when you don't feel a special physical bond is in place.

RECOMMENDATIONS

(These are general suggestions that do not replace assessment and treatment recommendations from a licensed professional who has met you.)

1. Read, Chapter 6 of Love is an Action Verb by Laura Silverstein (the creator of this quiz). This book is ideal for someone who wants to understand what to do if you share different preferred intimacy styles and how to talk about them. You can learn more about this book from the "look inside" feature on Amazon HERE.

2. Enroll in the Empathy Made Easy Mini Course for Couples. Our most important communication skill for relationship wellness is empathy. This course walks you through an Ultimate Empathy Flowchart step-by-step on how to respond to your partner when they are upset. This will be particularly useful if you are in a relationship with someone with an Emotional Intimacy Connection Style.

3. Want to take another quiz? There are three functional ways to manage conflict and two that lead to relationship unhappiness. Learn about your preferred conflict management style with this Conflict Style Assessment Quiz.

You Have an Intellectual Intimacy Connection Style

The mind-body-heart connection is real. Three types of intimacy correlate with the different parts of ourselves.

Mind: Intellectual Intimacy (Results from intellectual vulnerability)
Body: Physical Intimacy (Results from physical vulnerability)
Heart: Emotional Intimacy (Results from emotional vulnerability)

Your favorite way to connect is through the mind. This doesn't mean that you don't enjoy emotional or physical connection; it simply means that sharing ideas, common interests and a mutual love of learning leads you to feel close.

People who value intellectual intimacy understand the importance of curiosity and like to connect with other life-long learners. They enjoy interesting conversations about various topics and are attracted to intelligence. Connection results from a mutual excitement about the give and take of ideas by asking and answering questions.

People whose preferred intimacy style is intellectual often feel more comfortable sharing their emotions and physical intimacy after feeling deeply respected and understood.

Benefits and Challenges of Your Intellectual Intimacy Connection Style

Based on your quiz results, specific strengths and challenges should be considered.

BENEFITS

You are very good at saying "I don't know" and giving others the sense that you are willing to learn from them. This is a significant strength in relationships because this vulnerability makes others feel like they are being taken seriously. Since your most frequently preferred connection style is intellectual intimacy, you probably have a large body of knowledge to share with someone equally curious. Deep closeness results from being vulnerable with each other by admitting what you don't know and mutual learning and growth.

CHALLENGES

Perhaps you get frustrated when you feel like your partner doesn't understand just how important this is to you. Connecting with someone who prefers physical or emotional intimacy can be challenging. Your partner may ask you to talk more about your feelings and less about your ideas, and it can be frustrating to feel like your solutions and insights are not acknowledged or valued as much as you'd like. It may or may not be difficult for you to share emotional or physical intimacy when you don't feel respected.

RECOMMENDATIONS

(These are general suggestions that do not replace assessment and treatment recommendations from a licensed professional who has met you.)

1. Read, How to Free-Fall Into Intimacy (Chapter 6 of Love is an Action Verb) by Laura Silverstein (the creator of this quiz). This book is ideal for someone who wants to understand what to do if you share different preferred intimacy styles and how to talk about them. You can learn more about this book from the "look inside" feature on Amazon HERE.

2. Enroll in the Empathy Made Easy Mini Course for Couples. Our most important communication skill for relationship wellness is empathy. This course walks you through an Ultimate Empathy Flowchart, step-by-step, on how to respond to your partner when they are upset. This will be particularly useful if you are in a relationship with someone with an Emotional Intimacy Connection Style.

Your Preferred Intimacy Connection Style is Independence

When it comes to romantic love, three types of intimacy correlate with the different parts of ourselves, but they all require being vulnerable with your partner.

Mind: Intellectual Intimacy (Results from intellectual vulnerability)
Body: Physical Intimacy (Results from physical vulnerability)
Heart: Emotional Intimacy (Results from emotional vulnerability)

Vulnerability is risky. When we share ourselves, we are more likely to get hurt. By avoiding deep intimacy, we can protect ourselves from the pain that often results from rejection or loss.

You value independence over deep connection. This doesn't mean you always want to be alone, but you might feel more comfortable with space and time than with high emotion or intensity. Perhaps you have mixed feelings about commitment. You don't want to set expectations so high that you or others feel disappointed.

Oftentimes, people whose preferred intimacy style is independence feel more comfortable hearing other people's emotions than sharing thier own. They like physical touch but protect themselves from rejection.

Benefits and Challenges of Your Independent Relationship Style

Based on your quiz results, specific strengths and challenges should be kept in mind.

BENEFITS

People who value independence understand the importance of self-sufficiency and strength. They are usually resourceful, competent, and results-driven, trust themselves, and are highly dependable to get things done without help from others. Time alone is comforting and rejuvenating.

CHALLENGES

Perhaps you get frustrated when you feel like your partner doesn't understand just how important your personal freedom is to you. Some find it difficult to explain that their Independent Relationship Style is not a lack of love or affection. You might want a deeper connection but not feel comfortable taking the risk to experience that kind of vulnerability. Or perhaps you don't want a deep connection at all and feel judged when people don't u

RECOMMENDATIONS

(These are general suggestions that do not replace assessment and treatment recommendations from a licensed professional who has met you.)

If you want a deeper intimate connection but aren't sure where to start, here are some resources for you.

1. Read, How to Free-Fall Into Intimacy (Chapter 6 of Love is an Action Verb) by Laura Silverstein (the creator of this quiz). This book is ideal for someone who wants to understand what to do if you share different preferred intimacy styles and how to talk about them. You can learn more about this book from the "look inside" feature on Amazon HERE.

2. Enroll in the Empathy Made Easy Mini Course for Couples if you want to do a better job supporting your partner when they are upset. This free course walks you through an Ultimate Empathy Flowchart, which will be particularly useful if you are in a relationship with someone with an Emotional Intimacy Connection Style.