Discover Your September Whoroscope

What do the stars have in store for your dick this month? Take our quick quiz to find out how sexually active you'll be this month....
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What is your astrological sign?

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Cancer
This month you say 'fuck feelings' and fuck fucking. Now that the summer is over it is time to get back in touch with you. Maybe that means spending Friday nights edging your cock-- maybe it means crying into a pint of icecream instead of going out and meeting new guys-- whatever your situation may be, know that this is a period of reset for you and your cock. Love yourself, get back in touch with yourself, touch yourself often...you deserve it. 

Scorpio
Maybe you're coming down with a cold or something, or maybe you're just catching feelings? Take this month to recognize that while you can be harsh, underneath all that Scorpio rage is a tender fucker. You may find yourself revisiting some old and reliable fucks during this month and finding more of an emotional connection there than you had originally thought. This month, let your dick and your brain work together to bring you joy. 

Gemini
This month, your need to feel physically close to someone will be what drives you. You may find out that you're willing to let more people into your bed in order to fill that void. Don't feel discouraged or that you're sleeping around-- this is a time of sexual and emotional growth for you, so enjoy the ride.
Aries
This month it is time to focus on you! Go out to the local sex store and drop some coin on a new sex toy; something new, fresh, and exciting. Cancel your Friday night plans and turn off the lights. Reconnect with yourself and clear out all that bad sexual juju that comes from giving your body to others when you're not feeling confident in yourself. Self care is self-pleasure!
Virgo

Your dual nature will narrow in on only a few people this month. You're getting to the point where you would rather focus your sexual energy on one or two partners where you can hone your skills than a large amount. 

This month make sure you're being selective about who you spend time between the sheets with, it'll be all the more rewarding. 

Taurus
This month will see you in a sexual slump. Perhaps the stress from work is keeping you from feeling as frisky as usual, but fear not, this will pass shortly. Make sure you give yourself plenty of emotional space to not feel as sexual; like everything your sex life has natural highs and lows.
Aquarius
This month you're saying goodbye to your emotional nature and keeping it purely carnal. Don't try talking to you about feelings this month, if someone really wants to hold your attention they'll simply slip off their pants.
Sagittarius
They say three is a crowd, but in your bedroom its about to reach maximum capacity. This month you'll venture into group sex more than you ever thought you would with surprisingly satisfying results.
Libra
This month you'll find yourself throwing your romantic energy and sexual energy into two different places. Sure, you may spend hours cooking and cleaning for a date with your crush but when it comes time to get down and dirty you'll be
Capricorn
This month is about letting go of all inhibitions you may have. Maybe you'll agree to have someone tie you up and spank you. Maybe it is even more mild than that; the point being is that this is the month to try giving up power in the bedroom and receiving a mind-blowing orgasm as a reward.
Pisces
This month you're going to try out new things; things you never thought you would. Chances are it'll be so drastic (like going from being a strict-top to an only-bottom) that you'll have to look in the mirror and ask yourself who you even are!
Leo
Don't let your pride keep you from getting laid this month. Although it can be a channel, make sure you're not pushing lovers out of bed with your ego-- push them into your bed through kindness and perseverance.